Feeling really guilty...

I feel real guilty for my continual putting off updating the blog. Apologies guys! So here is a bit of a big(ish) update. Was supposed to have put this up yesterday, but it was dinner time :P

UCAS:

university / college		course	starting	decision	your reply	updated
	University of Bath		B230	01-Oct-2012	Conditional	Declined	07-Apr-2012
	campus:	entry point: 1
	The University of Liverpool		A105	26-Sep-2012	Unsuccessful		10-Jan-2012
	campus:	entry point: 1
	The University of Liverpool		A100	26-Sep-2012	Unsuccessful		01-Feb-2012
	campus:	entry point: 1
	The University of Bradford		B230	01-Sep-2012	Unsuccessful		28-Mar-2012
	campus:	entry point: 1
	Liverpool John Moores University		B201	01-Sep-2012	Conditional	Firm	07-Apr-2012
	campus:	entry point: 1

You may think I am crazy about rejecting Bath for Pharmacy which they wanted AAB for. I am still a little shocked about that tbh lol. 

Well my reason is: When me and the parents went to the open day I was really disappointed in the university. The lecturer was a right arse! Just plain rude since we were all medical applicants. Also the distance....5 hours to drive there....Too much. In terms of which university I felt was better, LJMU won hands down. The staff were amazing, facilities were pretty decent and the possible support after I have done my degree. They will help me get to my goal of being a doctor once I have done my degree which I thought was impressive considering Bath would pretty much leave you on your own.

I guess it goes to show- Even if it's a more prestigious university, it may not be the best place for ya (in terms of long term goals)!

Another reason I felt LJMU is perfect: It's not too far away from home! 5/6 quid return by train to go home for a weekend or something. 

It's a better option considering I WILL actually be able to put aside some money for when I go for Graduate Entry Medicine!

LOL Bradford rejected me???? Yet Bath, 2nd in the country for Pharmacy accepted me...Strange :S

EXAMS: 

I have actually cut down the number of exams this time but they're a lot more complex :(, but it's less...kinda lol :P.

-CHEM4 need to keep working on all the time. Nowhere near good enough. Mock exam I didn't go extremely well, was OK. I defiantly need to improve. I do put a lot of effort in but I feel my work doesn't pay off  :/

-Statistics & Probability 1 HATE, although I am doing better..My mock exam wasn't that good :( I struggle so much with this exam. It's mainly the probability side of things which is annoying as most of the exam is Probability. :(

-Core 3 This is going well, there is ALWAYS a few questions I completely don't understand but after a look at the answer I kind of understand what I am doing? lol It's difficult but I can manage most questions BUT I do make them...'arithmetical errors' sometimes a minus sign, integrating instead of differentiating (big mistake lol) and just sometimes having that retard moment lol.  The mock exam went well, better than the two above at least. Lost marks here and there, lost a few more marks than Core 4 I think. Still need to mark it yet but the MS isn't on-line yet :(

-Core 4 Same as Core 3 really, didn't do too bad in the mock think I lost a few marks here and there and I didn't know what to do on a part of a questions. Still need to mark the paper though (MS isn't on-line yet)


That's all that is going on currently guys, will update this blog in a week or two time! Sorry about the absence again :(
At least I did make a big post this time :P :)

Results day and I am taking a break...

So today was results day, it was such a strange day. I fell asleep quite normally but a little early than usual but kept waking up every few hours and having butterflies in my stomach. DAMN YOU ANXIOUSNESS!

Well I woke up and after about 20 mins had a shave (mum made me) since I looked like a "begger kid" , I really didn't want to but just did it while I got changed to go to school. So at 8:30AM, we set off to go to school.

I was really quite...idk, just kept praying and hoping my calls were being heard! Then at school:

-I walked into the main entrance to school and entered the reception area.
-The receptionist/s (I think there was more than one, I was too focused on results) asked her for the results and she found it in the pile of letters.
-She pulled it out and handed it me, my hands were shaking!
-So I took it and walked to the furthest seats away from the receptionists and opened the results.
-I was shocked and ecstatic, I did it :) I finally got a good results in the entire duration of doing alevels, I got the good grades I wanted.

Thank you all so much everyone, I will post my results on here if I can but tomorrow I will start my next exams revision. I actually feel like....relieved? No that's not right. Erm...I feel like I have proved to myself I am not a stupid person? Something like that, I always wondered why after an exam why I have done so badly and just decided I was dumb. I feel proud.


thanks again, I will post later on sometime just to give you all an update :)

So results day gets closer...

Just a quick update while we get back from dropping sister at university.

On our way back on the motorway, and I'm feeling kinda upset. Listening to How to Save a Life by The Fray probably doesn't exactly help.

I really feel like...something is wrong, I try my best to ignore it and do whatever I can to stop thinking about it. Yet the feeling Is always here, doing Core 4 & Statistics does fill the void a little, guess I will keep that up then lol.

Also, I feel rather low? On edge? I don't know, its results day in 3 weeks and Idk, just don't feel right.

I think I'm crazy lol. 

Well that's all for this short update! Sorry for being  so dismal :( Can't really help it.

On my way to the Pharmacy interview...

I thought might as well give this an update

Right so... I've had many exams so far, CHEM1, CHEM2, HBIO1, HBIO2, Core 1, Core 2 and tomorrow at 9:00 CHEM5. An interview today lol

It's been a rather busy time and this is how I think I have done exams wise:

-CHEM1 Was a difficult paper, I know I messed up on it :( No full mark for me.
-CHEM2 I think this paper went much better than CHEM1, I pray To god that I have got 140/140 UMS.
-HBIO1, as usual hard. I am just a little upset about it. Blocked It from my memory :(
-HBIO2, same as HBIO1
-Core 1, I know I didnt do too well on this..I hope I have done well though
-Core 2, checked my answers online with some maths teacher and I think I did well :)

-CHEM5.....I don't know how I feel about this, other than feeling like failure Ofcourse lol Idk :/.

Medicine wise....Rejection from Lancaster, and yes I am heart broken...

Parents giving me a lift to the Pharmacy interview. Being honest out of everyone, my parents are the only ones I can trust.

Girlfriends, I feel no remorse. I dumped her, I was always supposed to be a loner. Not being attached to anyone is the only way I was supposed to be. Being honest, that's how I want it.

My parents may Piss me off, BUT they're the only ones who are there for me. See they're disappointed about last year still though, they're the best people in my life.

No one can change that, and as soon as I start to earn my money I will spend as much as I can on my parents, our family. They're more Important to me than any girl will be.

Friends....well I've just dropped them completly. I don't need and dont want anyone anymore. I want to be a doctor and once I make It, I swear every penny I make will be used to help my family. Not friends, because theyre backstabbers. family us what's Important to me now. Family and helping the poorest in the world. Giving aid.

Thats all, lol bet I sound like a right psycho? Sorry but I've been burned by everyone. Friends, girlfriends and I just feel like my heart is broken.

I was stupid to think that I was supposed to be able to be happy myself, making other people happy is whatvivw always done and I guess thats what I will always do.

My mock week...

I've been quite busy recently, hence why I have not really been able to update my blog :(. Anyway this is what I've been up to! :D

Work, Lots of it. lol. I have pretty much done all my work. Chemistry, Human biology and Maths have all been 'covered'.

Chemistry:

• CHEM1-Mock done and revised! (66/70 marks, happy but feel like I need to do more lol)
• CHEM2- Revised and done all past papers and generally running through the textbooks!
• CHEM5-Revised'ish but I have not covered the colour of the section. It can wait lol. Also I feel like I need to do more on the Entropy section :/.

Human Biology:

• HBIO1-Revised everything, although I feel as if there are gaps in my knowledge. This is because there are bits in the past papers I still mess up on. I do my general revision through the textbook, know everything I need to know for the exam. I guess I should do the mock exam soon and find out exactly where I am going wrong! :( I get upset because I know I know it, but the stupid HSW (How Science Works) questions always catch me out.
• HBIO2- Same for HBIO1, although I know I still have a few gaps in my knowledge in here! Especially the species stuff -It's so so so BORING! lol

Overall Human Biology feels like my worst subject at present, no matter how much I have learnt, I always feel the same lol. 

Mathematics:

• C1-Doing a past paper every single morning :D. I always lose about 4/5 marks due to silly mistakes. Annoying! :/
• C2-Same as above, I either do one C1 or C2 a day. It's not so bad. I do a little better in C2 than C1 lol. It's not too bad though.

Girlfriend:

• Oh I got dumped/bit of a break. We both decided to have a small break because we hardly ever see each other. This was brought on because I have not left my house to meet any of my friends or girlfriend since.....Results day?
• I just hope Medicine is worth all the sacrifice :/  

UCAS: 

• Nothing to report on Medicine, I got rejections from Liverpool around this time last year *Fingers Crossed* I get an interview! 
• Pharmacy-wise, Bath University have told me that they will consider my application in early January. Nothing from Bradford (it's a shit university anyway -.-). Liverpool I have an interview lol! 

  university / college course starting decision your reply updated University of Bath B230 01-Oct-2012 15-Oct-2011 campus: entry point: 1 The University of Liverpool A105 26-Sep-2012 15-Oct-2011 campus: entry point: 1 The University of Liverpool A100 26-Sep-2012 15-Oct-2011 campus: entry point: 1 The University of Bradford B230 01-Sep-2012 15-Oct-2011 campus: entry point: 1 Liverpool John Moores University B201 01-Sep-2012 Invitation Accepted 24-Nov-2011 campus: entry point: 0

That's the big update I guess...Anyway thanks for reading. I think I am working too much but being honest I really want to be a doctor and if this will do it. I will keep at it, just a little upset that I got 'dumped'. :/.

I will do another update as soon as I get some important news, or I do well in my mock week lol.

Interview! Not medicine but meh :D

Well I literally got into bed with a nice warm hotwater bottle and my girlfriend was having a go at me. It was all about UCAS -that I don't tell her enough stuff about what's going on with my UCAS. She tells me to give her the login detials. So I do.

As usual I don't remember my Personal ID for UCAS so I go to my email (on my phone since I am texting her) and boom I see the dreaded 'UCAS notification of change' -I ignore everything for a mad moment and investigate, already feeling slightly disheartened because I felt it being a Medical rejection.

Anyway I get UCAS and my heart skips a beat, an interview! Best news I have had since results day. I run to tell parents (forgetting to text my girlfriend back lol) and they're like well done.

Well I'm slightly happier now :) I am going to sleep with a big smile on my face!

One downside -The interview is on the 31st January....I have a CHEM5 exam on the 1st February lol.

Night!

The past, bit of the present and my gap year, so far...

My gap year, it's been/is interesting...

After results day, I found some form of motivation to get back to revision and try to prove everyone wrong. I started by working 3 hours and having an hour break since I am resitting seven exams in January. I covered work in detail and made sure I understood it all.

I didn't find the workload to be so bad. Probably because I was so upset that I didn't get  in a Medical school and I am just sitting at home revising. Anyway I worked so hard for the exams but now I feel like I am relaxing more? I know I am not working as much as I was 2 months ago and I just feel exhausted :(.

I am currently in the process of doing past papers for Chemistry, Biology and Mathematics. I am scoring well in the past papers but I feel like I need to be getting 100% and since I am not hitting my target I feel bad so I have sort of slowed down now. I know it's not good because exams are in like a month :O

My relationship with girlfriend is suffering to some extent....along the lines of; not seen her for months :/ oops. OMG I FORGOT TO SAY, I passed my driving test lol. Anyway I will be visiting my girlfriend in my new car on Sunday :).

I think I am ready for the exams, lacking on the CHEM5 revision but I will pick that up more soon (I hope I do!). Things are looking up, but I am trying not to get complacent and ending up in a bigger mess :/

Medicine application wise: I applied for Medicine on 14th October. I only applied to 3 universities for Medicine same as one of my best friends who is in a similar position... Liverpool, Lancaster and Leeds. The three L's lol. I have applied for 2 Pharmacy schools, Bath and John Moors Liverpool that makes 5 options.

I am planning on the way of the graduate more and more, because realistically I know it's highly unlikely for me to get in this year :(. Although I think I do have a chance for Pharmacy, I do have a passion for Pharmacy. It was always my second favourite degree to study, if not Medicine.

Well that's all for now, I better go get back to working :). I will make a smaller post sometime this week :D.

I really do hope the work pays off, I really want to get into university now!! :(